Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
