just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
