I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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