Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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