Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
