also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
