Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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