I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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