I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
