he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
