Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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