sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
