I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
