Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
