He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
