just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
