Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
