WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You took a bar mat shot.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Randomize
