If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
i think my cat just said my name.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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