idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
