Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
