You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
