I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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