Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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