woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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