im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
3pm strippers are depressing
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
did you just send me my own nude
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
