I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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