Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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