Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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