Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
