if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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