I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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