I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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