sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
