She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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