last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
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