i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
