you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
