Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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