Sponge bath it is.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Randomize
