if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
