i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
