Are we in a gay sports bar?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
