mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
