I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
