you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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