The maid of honor just puked.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
this boner is exhausting
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
