I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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