I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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