so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
