i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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